Monday's Mom: Sandra Kelly
- Created on Sunday, 03 July 2011 21:46
- Written by Nathalie
Choosing True Beauty
Hello and happy 4th of July! My name is Sandra Kelly. I’m a wife of 9 years to Jon and a stay-at-home mommy to three little ones, Emerson (6), Braeden (4), and Landen (2). I am so excited to share my story and a little bit of my journey. It’s a slightly unusual one, but one God has given me. Through it, I believe He’s been able to reveal more of His character and beauty, both to myself and my family.
For the past several months, each morning I’m in the shower, I find myself holding strands and strands, sometimes handfuls of hair – more than usual – sometimes clumps. It’s been somewhat of a hard reality each day as I watch the bald spot on the left side of my head grow from penny size to now the size of two half dollars. It’s enough some days to bring tears to my eyes as I think about the how the world defines beauty and how I’m slowly moving further away and into the category of ugly, or worse, weird.
This isn’t the first time I’ve had this happen, either. It began falling out when I was in early elementary school and by the time I was in 5th grade I was almost completely bald. I wore hats to school. And kids were mean. Once, the way my little 10 year old mind stored it in my memory, my teacher took me out into the hallway and asked impatiently, "Sandra, why don't you just get a wig or something?! It would be better for you if you did!" Oh, I still cringe when I think of how embarrassed I was!
However, by the time I was 14 it had almost completely grew back and stayed there until I was in my mid-twenties.
That experience growing up had a deep impact on me on several levels. I became self-conscious and had a low self-esteem. I learned how important appearance can be for some people. I've also carried some of that heavy load into adulthood. However, what I've also carried with me is empathy for others that suffer under the hand of physical issues due to our sometimes wacky bodies and immune systems.
What I’ve gained is a deeper clarity on how I’m reflecting beauty, true beauty, to my little ones, especially my very aware and perceptive 6 year old daughter, Emerson.
During bedtime routine one night, we read our Bible study from her princess themed Bible. I read aloud to her the words describing what makes a princess beautiful, and how much more her beautiful character is worth to God rather than “physical beauty.”
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment….Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of the Lord.” --1 Peter 3:3-4
The bells of clarity began ringing in my head as I relived the moments of complaint and the settling of weariness I let take over my countenance – in front of my precious daughter, who soaks in all that I display for her. And over what? My hair? And let me tell you, hair is a big deal. I know it is, but the weight of the fear that I wasn’t demonstrating to her the value and beauty of God’s love versus the world’s love was a much bigger deal.This disease has also created beautiful conversations about kids in her own school who struggle: the new girl who moved here just a few months before the school year was over; or the boy who, in her sweet, yet innocently blunt words, looks funny to some of the other kids because of his smooshed nose. These kiddos, I tell her, are beautiful to God; they are His kids, too. We also talk about ways she can show love and kindness throughout her days at school. He has used this to create opportunities to be an example to my little ones of grace and beauty, love and kindness.
God has also used this place in my life to connect with another person whom I used to see regularly back in high school, who is now suffering from Alopecia Areata herself. We’ve been able encourage and relate to each other. It’s been a place where I’ve found I can search out ways to serve others with encouragement and love. I pray to be the example of His love which I so desire my kids to see.
"The King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him." --Psalm 45:11
So, right now, I'm choosingto believe that God is using this to place beauty in my life where most of the world would find anything but beauty. And I pray nightly that God would allow chances for me to vividly show my kids what true beauty is.Of course, I am a work in progress and some days it's harder than others to choose and display thattruth, but it IS truth…“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” -- Psalm 139:13-16
{you can follow more of Sandra's journey on her blog http://www.sandrakelly.blogspot.com}
